love

24 Apr 2012 No Comments

42 Things I Love About Santa Monica

Almost three months ago I was on a very rough flight from Boston to LA. There was turbulence, there was horrid pain in my ears and there was fear that this time the plane may not make it to LA. To my big surprise we landed. I saw my friend but couldn’t hear her. She picked me up and drove me to her home in Santa Monica. I instantly felt warmth both of her presence and warm air of LA. No more cold of Boston winter. I saw light-minded palm trees instead of trees with no leaves. It felt as if I died and wend to paradise. I was still sick but I knew I was going to get better. I stayed on my friend’s couch, wrote and looked through the bay windows at the lush tropical vegetation that was curiously looking back at me as if saying: “Who is new here?”

On the second day I walked to the beach and sat on the bench, it was all I could do, as I had no energy to exercise yet. I just wanted to absorb ocean breeze and see the beach. It felt familiar, just like back home in Sochi. People mainly with dogs were passing by and we didn’t know each other’s stories. But I wanted them to know that I was happy just to be here. Everything may pass you by unless you choose to take a note and appreciated every moment of it. I’ve been looking around me and noticing all. I made a big step into improving my life. I’m so glad I came and explored Santa Monica, but it is time to leave. How familiar can you get with something in just over 2 months? Familiar enough to love it:

  1. Wind-bended rows of Palm trees on the 4th Street
  2. Strangers on the beach walk asking you to try their products or validate their business ideas
  3. Captive chess pieces waiting to be released in the chess park cells
  4. Homeless people sleeping in the Palisades Park in the morning with child-like peaceful faces
  5. The bucket of Shrimper’s Net Catch with Secret Recipe Cajun spice at Bubba Gump
  6. Dragon Roll at Hara sushi, always packed and serving only fresh, tasty and half-priced sushi
  7. Jazz nights at Casa del Mar with older than your average crowd
  8. Quantified Self events, where people and numbers meet at Coloft
  9. Writing from Inner Self Class with Rachelle at Santa Monica Community College
  10. Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine Herbs at Yo San University Clinic
  11. Chocolate croissant at the Coffee Bean with fire pit on Wilshire Street
  12. One Dollar Oyster specials at Enterprise Fish Company on Main Street
  13. Church bells ringing  at The First United Methodist Church on 11th street at 11AM
  14. Socializing with drinks in the garden by the pool at Viceroy
  15. Urth café on Main street, where I organized my first CA happiness formula testing
  16. The drills of beach volleyball with Thao Pham at 106 Entrada Drive
  17. Pet center on 826 Wilshire Blvd, where you can volunteer to walk the dog, who is unfortunate
  18. Handsome men working as cashiers in the Whole Foods store
  19. Tall grown up man walking an elderly woman on Washington street every day
  20. Lounge at Sonoma wine country in Santa Monica Place
  21. Drivers’ and pedestrians’ agitation during Farmer’s market on Wednesdays
  22. Monthly Philosophy Club with Brian at Yahoo center
  23. Beautiful courtyard of the Main Library and its themed events
  24. No plastic bag policy in the stores
  25. Lean LA events with panel discussions in the Civic Center
  26. Post office as a remainder of the old era: while you can hardly find a post office box on the street, some people still use snail mail
  27. One week free pass to work at the Coworksla sharing space
  28. Muscle gym puzzle because you never know if those who practice there are normal people or Circle de Soleil gymnasts
  29. Napoleon cake at the Ukrainian Deli on Wilshire
  30. Vons smart-phone friendly sophisticated coupon system
  31. 24 hour Fedex on Wilshire with its ivy-covered wall
  32. Eclectic plays like “Why we have a body” at Edgemar center for the arts
  33. The Aquamarine color of the Lady, The Georgian Hotel
  34. The feel of the Callahan’s diner reminds me of New York
  35. Montana Street’s Fathers Office, where noone under 21 is admitted
  36. Fog and rain, and you are in a completely different place altogether
  37. Tourists off sightseeing buses eating Krispy Kreme donuts as part of their tour in the Palisades Park
  38. Architectural feats of different ages, shapes and colors
  39. Group joggers, boot campers and serious cyclists in full gear in action by the beach
  40. Exotic trees and flawless flower beds in very unexpected places
  41. The challenge of the big stairs from the beach to the bluffs
  42. Wide white beach, the ultimate answer to Santa Monica’s heart

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

21 Jan 2012 1 Comment

Kabbalah Love (Class One)

Several weeks ago when I was in LA, I went to the introduction lecture on Kabbalah. When I returned to Boston, they emailed me about an upcoming 4-week course that takes place in Cambridge. I decided to enroll to get more familiar with this school of thought. What I liked the most about it  is that it is open to all no matter what race, religion or gender. I also like the concept of giving before you are able to receive, which totally resonates with me. So I signed up for the course in Cambridge called “To Love – an in-depth look at the Nature of Love Itself”. 

The course description said: “Kabbalah does not just contain the secrets to love. Kabbalah IS love. Take a 360 degree turn in your understanding of Light, life and love – and uncover the true purpose of love. This is more than “how to find your soul-mate” class. It is a journey into the essence of what it means to have a soul, why relationships exist, and how to open your heart to greater love and a deeper connection to people and the Creator”.

10 days ago I attended the first session with about 30 people. I was told there are about 300 people who are on the Kabbalah mailing list in Boston area. The session began.

Love One Care. These words represent number 13. Which is a special number meaning going beyond your traditional “package” of qualities, like the ones associated with 12 horoscope star signs, to love is to go beyond your normal description. Then the instructor asked us to write down qualities of people whom we love. It became apparent that these people show some affection toward us and support us in a certain way. We normally love because we receive love from those people. I wrote down the following: similar caring spirit, humor, intelligent. We were told that we often confuse love and need, but first thing to do in love is to give (yes, unconditionally).

Love is an outcome, never a cause of something. We see reflection of ourselves in other people or we look for and see something we are missing in ourselves and want to have. There is nobody else there, because we are in a relationship with ourselves. Is this love unconditional or does it depends on something? How do you recognize true love? If you plant a seed of love and it was a need , lack or co-dependency, it vanishes… it was not true.

There is no love at first sight, because we don’t know the person yet. We all have lacks, issues, judgements, who doesn’t? Love is not about fear of losing. We need to work on ourselves first: to separate our needs from love for other person.

Relationship definition: Expression of the yearning of the soul to join forces in the battle to promote our spiritual understanding and help each other to pay the cosmic debt (tikkun).

Relationships are about growing and transforming, the feeling of yearning and connection with this person. It can help me grow but I don’t know why. It has to help me grow and transform. Am I better with them or without them? Love is made of 2 different forces : give and take. Opposites attract, but in differences there must be something that unites us both. We got our life for free with no effort. But later in life you have to work for things to pay your cosmic debt/baggage to transform it (from past life or childhood).

Relationship: They should challenge us, help us grow. We like the idea of love but do we want to work for it. Whatever you want to get you need to give first. How does it make me feel? Do we give love anytime? (to whoever is in front of us?) No, we are busy. Usually we only love when we have time and in good mood or to those whom we like or those who like us. It is rare that people just give us, without wanting to get anything from us. We need to give love as a tool, example, to like all babies, not just cute babies. We need to be there for the person in front of us, we need to exercise love every day. And see what happens. That is our homework.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , ,

05 Dec 2011 No Comments

Philosophy Works (Class Ten)

Last Saturday was my last class at Philosophy Works. I felt sad that it was time to say good byes to the group and our instructor. We shared so much with each other, learned together and hopefully became a little wiser. I distributed the Problem and Suffering Table to all in class, as my views were shaped by our discussions and Mita gave me great feedback on the original version of the slide. We all received a book as a present from the school, it is a small orange pocket book called Philosophy works, new light on life. It consists of practices and principles all consolidated in 10 steps: Why Be wise? Remaining true to yourself. Levels of awareness. Tapping your resources. The light of reason.  The power of beauty. Know thyself. Watching the powers at work . Renewal through reflection. Inner reality.

Last topic we discussed was unity, which is found when we look  for a whole common denominator to nature and humanity.

And Love materializes Unity. Please, read these beautiful passages below.

Sonnet 116 by W. Shakespeare:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

From Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians:

1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

4 Love is patient,
love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5 does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own,
is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails;

but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

21 Oct 2011 No Comments

What’s Up With Men?

Last Saturday I attended “What’s up with men?” session at the Boston Book Festival. I was sitting next to the young man and asked him why he was in this session: “As a woman, I want to understand men, but as a man, don’t you understand yourself?” He said he came to understand other men.

“From metrosexuals and bromances to Strauss-Kahn and Schwarzenegger–the BBF asks, what’s going on with men these days? We’ve asked some representative men from the world of words to help us get a read on it. Andre Dubus III, whose memoir Townie reveals his struggles with the subject of what it means to be a man, Stephen McCauley, author of, most recently, Insignificant Others, Tom Matlack, founder of The Good Men Project, and Jabari Asim, cultural critic and author of the short story collection Taste of Honey, discuss masculinity with you, the audience. Moderated by Tom Ashbrook, host of WBUR’s On Point. Hosted by WBUR 90.9 FM” from BBF website.

As the discussion started, more questions came up. Men are told what they are not supposed to be, but no one knows what they are. With feminism taking over, more women become providers, what used to be the privilege of men… Women want to get out of the house; men want to get into the house. Women are replacing men as middle class workforce.

Men are the new women? Are they losing their masculinity? Are they becoming weak?

What are they? Defenders? Money making machines? Polygamous creatures? Doers? Perhaps, we, women, need to enlighten men, what a real man is to us… It is not about physical strength or material success.

A man is an honest human being who we can rely on. Someone who does what he says. We are not afraid of men telling us their troubles and limitations; we will love them even more. Sharing emotions creates a bond between a man and a woman.

The best question from the audience came actually from that same man sitting next to me, who asked: “What do we need to do to prove our manhood?”

If only answer to that question was imprinted on the foreheads of all men there would be no war or crime. I’m not saying women are innocent, but they are definitely used as a tool to prove man’s manhood. Men are trying to prove it to each other in the form of trophies, achievements and stories.

Deep inside they fear they are not good enough that is why they prove their manhood at the expense of their own peace of mind and their relationships with women.  

Men are afraid of not being able to live up to other people’s expectations.  

Men’s insecurity arises when there is a discrepancy between expectations of them and what they can deliver or want to be. Then they resist those expectations. They don’t want to fail.

If a man could live up to his own expectations, it would be a better world, because a great man is true to himself.

We have the stigma that violent aggressive boys are better than sissy, and boys are told not to be weak /vulnerable or show their emotions, because feelings=weakness=feminine.

Men are still in emotional Ice Age.

They don’t share emotions with each other.  Men are afraid of being close to men; all their emotional needs are filled by 2 women in their life – their mother and wife. And when one of those women lets them down, men either fall apart or get revenge.

Men need to do something about it. The good men project is a great start and I support it wholeheartedly… Feelings are mentionable. I can see Men’s emotional revolution coming. Everything is changing… Where does that fear of not being a man comes from? Historically, being a man meant protecting the tribe and providing food to survive. Times changed. It is Ok to not be the provider, but nurturer.  It is Ok to fail sometimes and be helpless and talk about it. There should be safe zone for clean fighting and conflict resolution.

Men need to learn how to love each other, otherwise they will not be able to love a woman. No matter what stories they tell, they all want to love, be loved and appreciated the way they are…

Please, also see Tom Matlack’s article, Book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Related articles: WSJ, Ask Men and Wnd.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , ,

Philosophy Works (Class One)

24 Sep 2011 No Comments

Philosophy Works (Class One)

Today I learned about Philosophy Works organization. Here is what their website says:

“Throughout history schools have arisen to make the eternal wisdom available to those seeking the ultimate truth about themselves, the creation, and the Creator. Whatever the outer form, the core philosophical tenets are the same: discover the ultimate divinity of the human soul; appreciate the ‘unity in diversity’ and recognize that self-knowledge is the ultimate purpose of a human life.

Schools in this tradition include that of Hermes Trismegistus in ancient Egypt, Plato’s Academy in Athens, Marsilio Ficino’s Renaissance Academy in Florence and the American transcendental movement inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson in the United States.

The School of Practical Philosophy stands in this tradition. The aim is to offer students the inspiration and systematic guidance needed to enjoy fuller, richer and more productive lives; to evolve the spiritual aspect of their beings; and to serve society to the best of their abilities.”

I enrolled into Philosophy Works 10 class introduction course, and today was our first session called The wisdom within.12 people attended. They also have another session on Wednesday evenings, which is more popular.

To be wise we need to learn stillness and observance. We need to step out of the race , become still within and achieve moments of clarity, to take a larger view of the world. Stillness leads to self-discovery. True wisdom is simple. It could be done by going beyond appearances to the essence.

Plato declared 4 virtues –wisdom, courage, temperance and justice. Wisdom is already within us, wisdom is innate to the being. As it is not about thinking but being. Being in present moment is enriching. Giving attention to the world around is a form of love.

“Wisdom is the knowledge to enable life to be lived truly and happily.”

“Happy is the man or woman, who finds wisdom… for wisdom is worth more than silver, greater than gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you desire cannot compare to her.” Proverb.

“To be a philosopher is not to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school, but so to love wisdom as to live accordingly to its dictates, a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity and trust. It is to solve some of the problems of life, not only theoretically but practically. “ Henry David Thoreau, Walden.” 1854

We learned about several exercises:

  1. To have cards with 10 virtues and at the end of the day to go through them and ask yourself: which ones did I practice today?
  2. In difficult situations or moments of anger, hesitation ask yourself: What would a wise man/woman do?
  3. And the last one I especially liked. When mind is connected to the senses, it is alive. When we did this exercise, I felt connectedness to the world.

Instructions(from a handout):

Let the body find a balanced, upright and comfortable posture from which it need not move…

Become aware of where you are now…

Be aware of any expectations or concerns that maybe present in the mind or the heart…

Now, let them go…

Fall still and come to rest within…

Be aware of the touch of your feet on the ground…

The weight of the body on the chair…

Be aware of the gentle pressure of the clothes on the skin…

And the play of air on the face and hands…

If the eyes are open, let them receive color and form without any comment…

Taste…

Smell…

Be aware of the breath as it enters and leaves the body…

Be fully present, here now,

Now be aware of hearing…

Allow sounds be received and let them rise and fall without comment or judgment of any kind.

Let the hearing run right out of the furthest and gentlest sounds, embracing all.

Now simply rest in this great awareness for a few moments.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , ,

A Butterfly’s Lesson

22 Sep 2011 No Comments

A Butterfly’s Lesson

”One day, a small opening appeared in a cocoon; a man sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then, it seems to stop making any progress.

It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could not go any further. So the man decided to help the butterfly: he took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily.

But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would open, enlarge and expand, to be able to support the butterfly’s body, and become firm.

Neither happened!

In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and his goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were allowed to go through our life without any obstacles, it would  cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. Never been able to fly.

I asked for Strength… and I was given difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom… and I was given problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity… and I was given a brain and brawn to work.

I asked for Courage….. and I was given obstacles to overcome.

I asked for Love… and I was given troubled  people to help.

I asked for Favors… and I was given Opportunities.

“I received nothing I wanted… but I received EVERYTHING I needed.”

Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them.

~Author Unknown

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , ,

03 Sep 2011 No Comments

The Happy Movie Review

Another highlight of the 119th American Psychology Convention in Washington, DC was the “Happy” movie.  It was full of lessons, cutting edge findings and real life examples. Some things I already knew but to see them again as a confirmation of my knowledge on this topic was very uplifting. There were a lot of quotes from happiness studies and at the same time it was engaging and moving. And yes, I was taking notes, wiping off my tears during the most sad parts and savoring every moment of “Happy”.

Several books on happiness and their authors were mentioned, including Happiness and How to measure it, Flourish, Anatomy of an epidemic, etc.

Current research shows that in our happiness:

50% – genetic, 10% – circumstances, 40% – intentional (you choose)

Variety is a spice of life, so we should try different things, and various things make us happy.  For some it is physical activity or being close to nature, for others – spending time with their children or pursuing a hobby. Being engaged in a flow is what makes us happy. Example, fulfilling your creativity need by composing music.

Daniel Gilbert says “you can’t predict happiness”, so you might as well enjoy what you like now instead of chasing what you think might make you happy tomorrow.

The most shocking moment of the movie was a story of a beautiful woman, who got into a car accident and was severely injured, especially her face. Some people spend their lives trying to understand why … “why did it happen to me?”, others say – “I don’t need to understand, I just need to make a choice to move on”.

That woman was able to find courage to continue with her life and take care of her child, even though she lost her husband. She found courage to live, to move on, even though it was not easy, and now she is married again and her husband calls her pretty.

The most important is close support of family and friends, not focus on external (image, status, money), but intrinsic values (personal growth, relationship, community, meaning, change the world).

Speaking of values, a lot of it has to do with cultural background. Japan is the least happy among most developed nations. And it turns out that they cultivate Karōshi (過労死) – work to death or jobs for life or death. So people literary become workaholics to the detriment of their own health and wellbeing. In a culture like that people need to create support for anyone who wants to be happy, they need mass media to avert attention from material success to success of a different kind. Otherwise they compromise happiness of all of their citizens. GDP is not enough, there should be other measures to help understand life and what is really important. If not happiness it could be contentment.

What is the most happy country on Earth? Is it Bhutan that really cares about spirituality, physical exercise, community and human/nature balance? Or is it Denmark with free education and medicine, and popular co-housing communities with shared amenities and values?

In contract to the main island of Japan, one community in Okinawa is a small one. There is something different about it. They have a big number of over 100 year olds. They sleep a lot, farm, drink sake, talk to grandkids, give vegetables to neighbors, communicate with others via dance, music, getting together for tea. In that village they are one family. “When you meet someone for the first time you are already brothers and sisters. We really see with our hearts.” Happiness is having a lot of friends. It is social interaction.

I found another review of this movie and the episode about Benicia middle school is best described here:

“One especially moving section of the film for me was a demonstration of how love and connectedness can replace bullying in a school.  Michael Pritchard, an emotional healer and stand-up comic, was shown giving a class on cultivating emotional intelligence to an assembly of middle-school children.  He asked students to get up and tell their feelings about being bullied.  As a result, there was an immediate and profound transformation from separateness to connectedness in the whole room.” Indeed, we all win together.

One volunteer in India said that fashion is not important to him anymore, sweetness is in helping someone, meaning is in what he does and that it is important for others. Life is precious, when someone cares about you.

We can change our brain and its reaction by education and experiences to learn love. Gratitude journals, acts of kindness, loving kindness meditation… Complete interdependence with each other and nature, laughter, the value of compassion… When we cultivate them – we can change our brain. There is more in life and to life.

It is all about gratitude, compassion, love, altruism and building blocks of happiness. Check it out for yourselves: http://www.thehappymovie.com/

At the end of the movie, the formula for happiness was mentioned, simply that every person will find its own. I was really happy to hear that as I’m working exactly on the customized version of the formula so I wanted to talk to the Happy team about it. To my surprise the young man I spoke to was very unenthusiastic and skeptical, he said that too many people approach the team with the same idea, they all claim that they found the right formula and it’s the only one and that they want it to be mentioned in the movie or promoted somehow. The Happy team guy thinks that it is impossible to measure every person’s happiness and do it in one formula correctly…Even though I tried to explain my approach, he quickly dismissed it.  

He said if you want to help promote the movie, feel free. I already did it voluntarily by posting a note on my blog and by coming to the Convention just to see the movie as I knew it would be featured. I wish the director Roko Belic was there so that I could talk to him instead. For now, I’m still perfecting my formula for happiness to be ready for the big audience and correctly measure our state of happiness. Yes, we can measure our happiness and increase it. Stay tuned :)

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

18 Aug 2011 1 Comment

Forgiveness Class (Part Five)

Last Class. As I was walking to the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center last Thursday, I felt it was about time to wrap it up.

The week before I went to the American Psychologists Conference in Washington, DC, where I saw movie “Happy” and several other movies about healing techniques used by psychologists and about human mind. That trip reconfirmed that relationships are the most important thing in our life. Overall I felt overwhelmed with all experiences and wanted some rest. With all that I walked in and sat down to meditate with no expectations whatsoever.

We did the same meditation that was in the second class that I missed. It had 3 parts:

1) I ask forgiveness from those whom I intentionally or unintentionally hurt.

2) I forgive myself for intentionally or unintentionally hurting myself.

3) I extend my forgiveness to those who through activity or inactivity, intentionally or unintentionally hurt or harmed me out of fear, pain, anger or confusion.

I focused on my body and my breathing, I wanted to love myself. I remembered one phrase from “The Secret”: “I’ve known myself for 44 years and I love myself, I want to kiss myself”. It was so strange to hear coming from a male, that I remembered it.  I was just sitting and concentrating on my body, my organs and cells, craving for more love from me. And suddenly it came, the flow of love inside me for everyone around including me.

In this part of the meditation we had to imagine persons whom we hurt intentionally or unintentionally and ask for their forgiveness. For some reason the person I can’t forgive came to my mind. Don’t I have enough love for them? I thought that I might have hurt them unintentionally and they suffered. I imagined them vulnerable, helpless, trying to find their own inner peace, and acting out on their own discomfort.  I only saw a weak person not the offender. Suddenly my heart opened. The block was gone and pain was released. I wanted to extend all my love to them, help them and make them happy. I don’t have to protect myself from them and make sure it doesn’t repeat again. What happened a while ago was just a hurting moment but the rest of my life seems like the Universe or infinity. I can’t poison my body, my life and all around me with negative thoughts and artificially created barriers. I hugged that person in my mind, and I couldn’t stop my tears. I accepted them, the past act, the love between us, and that we are all humans who make mistakes.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , ,

09 Aug 2011 No Comments

My Mail Stop is 42

This is my 42nd post and I want to dedicate it to the girl I met 10 years ago.

In the summer of 2001 three of us were staying in the loft on the second floor of a moving company building in Oak Bluffs, Martha’s Vineyard. One of my roommates was Lena, funny, clever, sincere and charming. That summer she came to the States to work and travel for three months, and was planning to go back to Estonia and continue her studies. Lena was very artistic; she played guitar, sang and composed poetry.

Three of us had summer jobs all over the island: car rental, ice cream shop, hotel front desk, retail store. We were truly happy. Coming to our loft after work, we would always share our experiences. I remember not sleeping several nights at all just because we were talking, laughing, sharing secrets all night. We had long conversations about the meaning of life. Is it about achieving some heights or just having fun? We did crazy spontaneous things, like swimming at night and discovering bio-luminescent beach. We went sailing in Edgartown harbor on the historical museum boat. The more I knew her, the more I thought she was an angel, not perfect, but pure, with good heart and kind soul. Lena worked in the ice cream shop, and I remember buying cones of maple walnut ice-cream from her, which was my favorite. She would go back home late at night on her bicycle. At the end of the summer a friend of mine invited me to visit California, and so I left the island early. Right after I got to San Francisco, I went to Sausalito. It was there that I stopped at the internet café and got the news: Lena got killed by a drunken truck driver while going home late at night after work. It was probably a couple of weeks before her return home to Estonia.

I remember standing in Sausalito, looking at the ocean, at the sky and crying, asking “Why”? Why people with good hearts, full of life, potential and love leave so early? Did she fulfill her mission in her short life time of 2o something years? I was crying so hard that I looked at the sky and asked her (I was sure she could see me from there) to be my guardian angel, to help me live through life and experience what she would want to experience and do things she didn’t have time to do.

It’s been 10 years since then. Did I do what she wanted me to do? Perhaps. I traveled the world. I completed MBA and worked for a big corporation. I had fun. I loved. I was depressed. I read a lot of books.

I’m happy, not crazy happy, but content happy.

Happy that I live in our time, that I’m free and I can do all the things I want to do to. That my parents are still alive and I love them, that I have great friends, who bring  joy into my life. That I like my work. That I meet similar-minded people and get more ideas about how to make people happy. That on Wednesday I will organize another group testing of the happiness formula.

That it is still summer and even more beautiful season fall is coming upon us in Boston.  That on May 21 nothing catastrophic happened and hopefully will not happen on Dec 21 in 2012. And I still plan to work on this website, the blog and attend the Winter Olympic Games in my home town in 2014.

Thank you, Lena, for guiding me through life to experience everything I’ve experienced and have time and opportunity to work on the things I love.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

30 Jul 2011 No Comments

Movie Called Happy

The Greater Good – The Science of a Meaningful Life posted an interview with the director of movie Happy:

“When Roko Belic was 18 years old, he traveled to Africa, prepared to see unspeakable suffering.

He was delivering money and supplies to refugees of Mozambique’s civil war, a group that he knew had been “completely brutalized”; some had had their arms, lips, or noses cut off in the conflict.

Roko Belic, director of Happy, a documentary beginning its theatrical run today.

But when he arrived, he was astonished by what he found.

“I saw people who were happy,” he says. “They were happy to be alive, but they were also singing and dancing. They had a zest for life that I saw missing in some of my friends back home.”

The experience challenged some of Belic’s most basic assumptions about the world. How is it possible that people who’ve suffered so much can seem happier than people who’ve grown up enjoying the comforts of the West?

He has pondered that question since returning from his trip. Now, more than 20 years later, he has made a film that answer it.

 

JM: So, five years later, based on all the interviews you’ve conducted and research you’ve read and stories you’ve heard, what do you think is the answer to that question you’ve been asking for your adult life: What are the keys to happiness that would explain why some people can seem so much happier than others who are better off financially?

RB: Well, it seems to me that some of the strongest aspects of a person’s life that can help them be happy are their relationships. Strong personal relationships are what Ed Diener, one of the leading happiness researchers, told us is really the key to happiness. He said you don’t have to like everyone or have a million friends. But to have at least a few people you really care about and love, and who care about and love you and will be there for you when you need them—that is one of the key factors in a happy life.

Another one is gratitude or appreciation. Being able to appreciate what you have—it makes a lot of sense that that would lead to happiness. Because if you are poor but you have a piece of bread to eat, and you can appreciate that, that appreciation makes you feel good and fulfilled and happy.

At the same time, if you don’t appreciate things—even if you have a private jet or a few mansions around the world or you’re extremely good looking—that explains why those things may not lead you to a happier life.

Then there’s a lot of research about values. This to me was one of the most interesting findings: that people who have what scientists call “intrinsic values,” meaning they value compassion and cooperation and wanting to make the world a better place, are more likely to be happy than people who prioritize what they call “extrinsic values,” which value things like social status, good looks, power, fame.

The reason why that’s exciting is that what you care about is within your control. In fact, a very significant part of our happiness, according to research, is within our control. And that’s exciting to me, because it means that none of us are cut off from the prospects of the possibility of a genuinely happy life.”

Read complete interview http://bit.ly/pOWGUH

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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