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27 Apr 2012 No Comments

Happy For No Reason (Part One)

Recently I read a book “Happy for no reason” by Marci Shimoff. Marci told her story of feeling unhappy in spite of her achievements for many years. Her search for true happy self led her to this book and she teaches her readers how to be happy for no reason. At the same time she mentions in her book that early in her life someone explained to her that in the declaration of independence of the US it says that citizens have the right of the pursuit of happiness, and back two centuries ago the word “pursuit” meant not to chase after but practice.

Marci tells about 3 Guiding Principles to live by:

  1. What expands you makes you happier (The Law of Expansion)
  2. The Universe is out to support you (The Law of Universal Support)
  3. What you appreciate, appreciates (The Law of Attraction)

Marci’s favorite tool for using the Law of Attraction is what she calls her Secret Formula:

Intention – Be clear about what you want, in this case your desire for your greater happiness.

Attention – What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life. Put your attention on happiness by practicing the happiness habits each day.

No Tension – Let go and relax. As you practice the habits, be easy with yourself and trust that you are removing the blocks to experiencing greater happiness.

Setting your intention and envisioning your ideal.

“Start by writing down a declaration of your intention. Begin with “I’m grateful that I’m.. “

And complete the sentence with what Happy for No reason feels like to you. Use the phrase I’m because these are the two most powerful words in the English language; they help call your intention into being. Use present tense, as the power and immediacy of the present tense magnetize your heart’s desire to you. Now picture yourself being Happy for No reason. What would life be like if you were experiencing that state of unshakable inner peace and wellbeing? What would you feel and do? How would you interact with others?

Imagining how you want to feel may seem fanciful or silly, but it’s actually a very powerful exercise. The more clearly you can experience what Happy for no reason feels like to you, the more easily you will bring it into being. Just doing this process puts you in the vibrational field of Happy for no Reason. You probably began to feel happier just from intending and imagining it.

I also recommend that you create a vision board to look at as you practice the Happiness Habits. A vision board is a visual representation of whatever you want to create in your life. Many people use these boards to focus on the things they want to get, but could be images that represent states of feeling happy. People you love, or happy images, etc. images that make you feel expanded, open and uplifted. My board is hanging on the wall across from her desk and she looks at it throughout the day.”

Another interesting fact in the book is about the happiness set point. Marci says: “Like your weight set-point, which keeps the scale hovering around the same number; your happiness set point will remain the same unless you make a concerted effort to change it. But the truth is, to be truly happy, all you have to do is raise your happiness set-point.” To do it, we need to practice happiness habits. Marci discovered 21 of them, which you can download from her website www.happyfornoreason.com/bookgifts.

She also creatively came up with 7 specific steps for becoming happy for no reason, which correspond to the seven main areas of your life: personal power, mind, heart, body, soul, purpose, and people. This holistic approach is vital.

Taking Ownership of your happiness has 2 aspects:

  1. Accepting that being happy is up to you and that you have the ability and power to be happier by changing your habits.
  2. Taking response-ability: responding to all the events in your life in a way that supports your happiness.

Our ability to respond to what happens to us dramatically affects our happiness. Years ago, Marci’s mentor, Jack Canfield, taught her the following simple equation that explains this concept:

E+R=O (Events + Response =Outcome)

People who are Happy for no Reason orchestrate events in their lives when they are able to. When they are not able to change the events, they change their responses. You always have the right to change your attitude.

Try some of the exercises from Marci’s website and remember to take baby steps, overcoming your resistance to change.  Don’t be harsh on yourself. And remember to create a support system, as happiness loves company. Invite other people to join you. Enlist the support of a couch, mentor, friend, or a group of friends. Remember, you can increase the impact of practicing happy for no reason sevenfold by simply discussing your experience with other people. Happiness revolution starts with us, because the world is as we are.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

09 Feb 2012 No Comments

Psychological Resilience Class Feedback (Part Two)

“Thank you for asking me to tell my story.

The year before I took the course was a very difficult year; it was as if fate wanted to compound many major traumas into a short year. It has been so bad, that I have only been able to five people, not including myself that know the full story.  Therefore, before I took the course, people were already complimenting me on how well I was handling things, but I wanted to be able to progress farther and learn the techniques to do so, and the course delivered.  It not only taught techniques, but it also provided objective perspectives.  In particular it was interesting to read about the contributing factors that Bonato presented in the paper I needed to read about the post traumatic growth in abusive relationships. 

I would highly recommend this course for anyone who believes that they would like to improve their resiliency, but not for anyone who does not.  Although, what I appreciated most about the course has been the classmates.  The discussions in class and outside of class are things that could probably only come from people that know that learning resiliency is so important that it is worth devoting three intense week to learning just a little bit more about it.
 
The two most important things I learned were the ABC theory, belief is more important than actual events in determining consequences.  Bad things can happen, but if one controls their beliefs, looks for the benefits, measures what assets they have to handle the situation, as well as looking at the positive benefits of the change, one will be able to live a more successful life.  And of course the opposite is also true.  Good things can happen, and if one looks at the negative and the lack, there will be less success. 
 
Since learning that, I have been focused on realistic optimism and have been making the right choices to progress in my career. 
Also I have learned immediate techniques.  When handling a large problem I go to the gym not just for the dopamine, but it tires me out so I can only think about the problem at hand not distracting thoughts.  I have opened up and now seek out social support much more easily, and I look for humor more in situations.  However the biggest immediate change has been a focus on seeking gratitude immediately after a problem.  That actually has an effect of changing breathing to calm me down and has even reduced physical pain.  Additionally it can be a mental challenge that provides additional insights into situations.  Moreover, it just feels good”.
  
Eric Ehmann – US
 
“As a psychologist who works and conducts researches on violence and trauma, it was necessary for me to take the resilience course. Resilience is a very important field because its discourse is focused on the individual, especially on the health issue. I could learn more about Positive Psychology – which I didn’t have a lot of knowledge before – and how it emphasizes in the individual’s potential aspects instead of psychopathological aspects, as traditional psychology does.   
 
I also liked the classes because they were interactive and dynamic. The class was multicultural. The students could discuss the subjects to each other and that was what I liked most. It’s good to know different points of view and it’s even better to know people from all over the world”.
 
Thayse Dantas – Brazil

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , ,

05 Nov 2011 No Comments

The Evolution of Happiness: Improving Human Happiness (Part Three)

Increase closeness of extended kin

If being deprived of extended close kin leads to depression in modern environments, individuals can take steps to remain in closer proximity or to maintain greater emotional closeness to existing kin. Modern electronic communication, including email, telephone and video conferencing might be exploited to this end when physical proximity is not possible. With people living longer, opportunities to interact with grandparents and grandchildren expand, offering the possibility of strengthening the network of extended kin.

Develop Deep Friendships

According to Tooby and Cosmides, people may suffer a dearth of deep friendships in modern urban living. It is easy to be sometimes friend when times are good. It is where you are really in trouble that you find out who your true friends are. Everyone has experienced fair weather friends who are only there when times are good, but finding a true friend, someone that you know you can rely on when the going gets tough, is a real treasure. People take pains to express their appreciation, communicating that they will never forget the sacrifices made by those who helped them in their darkest hour.

The loneliness and sense of alienation that may feel in modern living, a lack of a feeling of deep social connections despite the presence of many seemingly warm and friendly interactions, may stem from the lack of critical assessment events that tell them who is deeply engaged in their welfare.

Several strategies may help to close this gap between modern and ancestral conditions to deepen social connectedness. First, people should promote reputations that highlight their unique or exceptional attributes. Second, they should be motivated to recognize personal attributes that others value but have difficulty getting from other people. This involves cultivating sensitivity to the values held by others. Third, they should acquire specialized skills that increase irreplaceability. If people develop expertise of proficiency in domains that most others lack, they become indispensable to those who value those competencies. Forth, they should preferentially seek out groups that most strongly value what they have to offer and what others in the group tend to lack, find groups in which their assets will be most highly cherished. Fifth, they should avoid social groups where their unique attributes are not valued. A sixth strategy involves imposition of critical tests designed to deepen the friendship and test the strength of the bond. Those who pass the tests and provide help during these critical times make the transition to true friends marked by deep engagement.

Selecting a mate who is similar – Reducing jealousy and infidelity

 One strategy is to select a long term mate or marriage partner who is similar to you on dimensions such as values, interests, politics, personality, and overall “mate value”. A large body of empirical evidence supports the hypothesis that discrepancies between partners in these qualities lead to increased risk of infidelity, instability of the relationship, and a higher likelihood of eventual breakup. Selecting a mate who is similar, conversely, should lower the likelihood of infidelity, and hence the agony experienced as a result of jealousy. Because jealousy appears to be an evolved emotion designed to combat threats to relationships, anything that reduces its activation should reduce the subjective pain people experience.

Education about evolved psychological sex differences

Education about fact that men’s and women’s minds house somewhat different psychological mechanisms, and that the differences can be deactivated under certain conditions, may help to reduce the frequency of strategic interference.

Managing Competitive Mechanisms

Perhaps the most difficult challenge posed by our evolved psychological mechanisms is managing competition and hierarchy negotiation, given that selection has fashioned powerful mechanisms that drive rivalry  and status striving. Status inequality produces a variety of negative consequences, such as the impairment of health. One potential method of reducing such inequalities is to promote cooperation.

Evolutionists have identified one of the key conditions that promote cooperation – shared fate. Shared fate occurs among genes within a body, for example – when the body dies, all the genes it houses die with it. Genes get selected, in part, for their ability to work cooperatively with other genes. A similar effect occurs with individuals living in some kinds of groups. When the fate of individuals within the group is shared – for example, when the success of a hunt depends on the coordination among all members of the hunting party, or when defense against attack is made successful by the cooperation of a group’s members – then cooperation is enhanced.

Axelrod, an evolutionary political scientist, suggested several ways in which this can be done. First, enlarge the shadow of the future. It could be accomplished by making interactions more frequent and making a commitment to the relationship which occurs, for example, with wedding vows. A second strategy is to teach reciprocity, which not only helps people by making others more cooperative, it also makes it more difficult for exploitative strategies to thrive. A third is to insist on no more than equity. Greed is the downfall of many. By promoting equity, tit-for-tat succeeds by eliciting cooperation from others. One more strategy is to cultivate a personal reputation as a reciprocator. Cultivating a reputation as a reciprocator will make others seek them out for mutual gain. The combined effects of these strategies will create a social norm of cooperation, where those who were formerly exploiters are forced to rehabilitate their bad reputations by becoming cooperators themselves. In this way, cooperation will be promoted throughout the group.

The Fulfillment of Desire

Just as humans have evolved adaptations that create subjective distress, they have evolved desires whose fulfillment brings deep joy. Studies of private wishes reveal an evolutionary menu: the desire for health, professional success, helping friends and relatives, achieving intimacy, feeling the confidence to succeed, satisfying the taste for high quality food, securing personal safety and having the resources to attain all these things. Success at satisfying these desires brings episodes of deep happiness, even if people might habituate to their constant occurrence. Having adequate resources to fulfill desires, making progress toward fulfilling them, achieving a state of flow in the process of achieving them, and succeeding in fulfilling them, and succeeding in fulfilling them in particular domains such as mating provide a few of the evolutionary  keys to increasing human happiness.

From the article “The Evolution of Happiness” by David Buss (2000)

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , ,

18 Jul 2011 No Comments

Volunteer Survey Results Final Analysis

Speaking of volunteering and its results, last December I crafted olpcMAP survey and summarized its results in a presentation olpcMAP Survey Results. On Wednesday, Dec 29, I presented olpcMAP Survey Final Analysis, which interprets survey results and suggests major themes and underlying motives for volunteering.

I was glad to receive feedback and comments at the end of the presentation. Mark Battley agreed about people wanting to have a hobby that realizes their untapped talents. When you develop those talents, you become happier and frequently more successful, and he witnessed it. Ryan and Alexandra commented on tailoring projects for volunteers. We all agreed that  there should be opportunities for 2 hours a week, 2 weeks a year or even 2 years at a time, etc. Then volunteers decide which one is right for them.  Because the same person maybe interested in all three option at different times in his life. It is all about perpetual balance. We all want to find it. Some struggle between choosing a well paid job but no meaning or an low paid project that has a great social value. We are all constantly moving and adjusting our choices to finally find our perfect mix of life variables to reach our personal balance.  Another important comment was about helping people figure out what they are good at or where do they fit as volunteers… Main Take-aways:

1. Help people feel useful and appreciated

2. Design perfect conditions for volunteering

3. Don’t judge people, educate them on what opportunities are available and what   is  possible

4. Create happy social identity

5. Provide facilitation

Download full presentation olpcMAP Survey Final Analysis. Also see my favorite commencement speech ever by Steve Jobs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc

 

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , ,

16 Jul 2011 1 Comment

How To Be a Good Volunteer

Last summer I wrote these tips/reminders for people interested in volunteering abroad, but the majority of them could be useful to volunteers everywhere.

CHOOSE YOUR ROLE. Look at all possible projects and ask yourself two questions: What would I really want to do and what kind of skills do I have? You could bring increased value by helping using your skill set, however you can always try something new if you feel strongly about a particular project. There are many projects and we are sure there will be at least one that speaks to your heart.

SET REALISTIC GOALS by not trying to change the world overnight or help everyone! It is hard for one person to save everyone, sorry, but you are not a superhero. Instead, begin with one person, one animal, or one group that you can help. Then make one achievable goal and work toward it. Always remember, there are a lot of us and our collective volunteer power is strong. All of your efforts are multiplied by the efforts of others.

HAVE REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS about your living conditions and how easy daily tasks should be. Remember, you are not going on vacation: you are doing a project! There will be resistance and obstacles. Sure, you will meet new people and have fun, but it will require hard work in new conditions. Sometimes you will have to share a dorm room with other volunteers; you may encounter cockroaches; have a language barrier or learn that your instructions are not followed etc… It is not the end of the world. You will be there with people who have the same values.  Later in life, perhaps, you’ll remember this time as the best experience, when you were both driven and audacious.

SWITCH OR NOT TO SWITCH, that’s the question when you start to waiver on your project. Do not be hasty. If you do not like your first project, and you feel less skilled think of it as a learning experience. If you feel overwhelmed or have a fear of failing, why not overcome it?  Prove to yourself that you are more than what you thought you were capable of and keep at it.  If you still do not like it or do not feel confident, then switch projects. Maybe you will be exceptionally good at something else.

LEARN. Even if you are an expert, there is always a lesson to be learned. Life is a two-way street: we teach and we learn. You will need to know how to get the assignment done; especially in a new country, things may be very different. This could require learning new skills or using different materials. If you need more training to get ready, ask for the manuals, a demonstration and/or assistance. If you know what to do and how to do it well, it will be easier to help others.

MAKE AN EFFORT! Showing up to do your project is only the first step. It is important to take your volunteer work seriously. You are providing help to people and places that are in real need. Your value to the project is parallel to the effort you put in. Sometimes, it is hard to give 100% to your project, but please try. Specifically, always come on time to your project and be appropriately dressed no matter how much partying occurred the night before or what the thermometer reads that morning. Constantly remind yourself why you signed up to volunteer.

If you push yourself, you will find your own limits, talents, and skills you never knew about. Often people realize their potential is more than what they ever estimated. As you extend yourself, the project will succeed because you gave it 100%. You will amaze yourself and those around you.

POSITIVE ATTITUDE is imperative. Think about those around you who are in need or in trouble. You are there to help them, not bring negative energy. Please, stay upbeat, think of any difficulties as a learning experience, and try to resolve them diplomatically. Always have a positive attitude and demonstrate to others that you are there volunteering by choice.

BE RESPECTFUL Always remember to demonstrate respect for other people and other cultures, no matter how much culture shock you are going through. Keep in mind that your way of thinking or living is not the only one or even the right one. What is normal to you may not be normal to others. If you seriously disagree about something, speak to a project leader first. He or she will consult with you, explain the differences and suggest ways of how to behave in the future. Consider yourself and your actions as an ambassador of your own culture. You want to present yourself well and be respected by others, and this is not achievable if you act snobby or superior. Going to another country means following their rules, as you are a guest, and they are the hosts.

BE FLEXIBLE AND OPEN-MINDED as there maybe a shift in your schedule or a change in your role or responsibilities. It is life. Nothing is permanent in life except for change.

DO NOT GIVE UP! You will all have moments, when you doubt your decision to volunteer. You will have a serious urge to stop and go back to your normal life and to your familiar routine. Sometimes you will feel bored, sometimes exhausted, and sometimes mad at the people you work with who are not cooperating. You may even feel angry with Cheb for getting you involved in being a volunteer. Talk to others and share your problems because you are not alone. Everyone is going through the same phases, but remember this stage is temporary, and it will pass. Always look forward and remember again why you chose to be there. When you finish the project, you will look back and see the progress and be amazed with the results.

BE KIND to others. This could mean your peer volunteers, the project manager, or a local person. You never know what other people are going through as they may be very vulnerable, sad, or dealing with difficult issues. We all need support. If you see someone going through a hard time, try to make him or her smile, offer help or just share your experience. Sometimes all we need are kind words, and also remember people’s privacy. If they do not want to share, please do not force the conversation. If they do engage you, do your best to understand what other people are going through, even if it’s something you’ve never dealt with yourself. You will get so much credit for being kind to someone. Treat others as you would want to be treated, and you will begin to make friends on this adventure as well.

BE SAFE. If you break your leg or get robbed, it will not make your experience efficient or enjoyable. Be prepared in advance and read about cultural norms and safety rules in the area of your project beforehand. Being prepared also means taking the necessary precautions: getting appropriate insurance policies and all needed immunizations, backing up your computer files, pictures, etc. Do not take unnecessary risks. We want you to be safe, so that you can come back and tell about your experiences to others who want to go and continue what you started.

MEASURING YOUR PROGRESS. Many of you will be looking to measure success of your project participation. Did you really make a difference? The answer is yes. Whether you built a house for someone, created a fund-raising campaign, or made a child smile, you did it – you made a change, you made someone happier and improved the world. Additionally, in the process of volunteering, we are sure you improved yourself by simply making an effort to be a better human.

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , ,

14 Jul 2011 2 Comments

Shared Wisdom and Resources

I’ve been looking for websites about happiness and self-improvement. Those who seek shall find. While I was sitting at Peet’s Coffee&Tea  in Santa Monica I noticed a man next to me creating an elaborated chart, looking like a fishbone in Corel which reminded me  a cause – effect tool from my consulting life. I asked him what it was. Charles told me that he is working  on the website Keys to self-motivation. He just started this website and the fishbone is one of his ideas to be posted soon. As Charles explained he has 20 years of experience in construction and he saw many men floating through life like lost boats, living day by day without having concrete goals not only career-wise but in other aspects of their life. So the fishbone is to create more structure and direct people where they want to go. Charles’ wife also has a website Detox Vortex, it is about living healthy.

We had a very interesting discussion and shared our knowledge on the topic. One of the websites Charles suggested is Self-growth. The site has numerous resources for those who have the time and interest to learn different techniques. We both appreciate Steve Pavlina blog, which has thousands of great posts (it’s been around since 2004).

I told Charles about his potential competitor My life list and about Daily feats, a site that suggests good deeds for you and gives you points for completing them.

A friend recommended to me a site about how to get over difficult time in one’s life Out of stress. Through I’m happy project I connected with Rachel, who has a website Undercurrent coaching. I mentioned before Ricky’s site Life long happiness. Subscribe to blogs you like, find inspiring quotes about life, love and helping others. Visit Quote Garden.

If you are very depressed and want help, try Depression Support Help and Psychology Info. I recently found National Empowerment Center (NEC) website. There are many depression and suicide prevention organizations… Just type the words “depression help”… and there will be a list to choose from.

What I recommend the most is…  go and volunteer… You will learn everything in comparison: your pain, their pain, the world’s pain. You’ll see how making other people happy will make you feel. Don’t expect to get anything in return for your help to others. Just do it. Ad you will see the difference soon… “One must really have suffered oneself to help others” ~Mother Teresa.

If you want to start your own project and need fundraising or want to invest into somebody’s project, check out Crowdrise, Kiva, Profounder, Kickstarter and Donorchoose.

There are lots of interesting meet-ups about how to become happy. One of them is run by Dr. Amy Coget in San Francisco. I never met Amy but her positive attitude is contagious. She runs The San Francisco Happiness Club.

This year on the International happiness day, July 10, she created Smile Mob Event: “We will be giving away free smiles and free hugs too!  If you wanted more happiness in your life and to celebrate your own and others happiness then join us at the SF Happiness Club.  After participating in a smile mob this past week, I guarantee you will gain a great happiness boost!”

And finally, there will be another group testing of the happiness formula in Cambridge, MA on Aug 10 at 7 PM in Algiers Café in Harvard Square. All participants will be able to try the latest version of the tool,  create their own happiness formula, help others to increase their happiness and provide feedback. Everyone is welcome to attend!

 

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

09 Jul 2011 No Comments

Great Life Happiness Manual

I met Ricky a couple of days ago at “I’m happy project” meet-up in Santa Monica. I learned about his website, which I studied thoroughly and I found a lot of great quotes, posts,  audio and video material. This one is my favorite:

It remindes me this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI. The lyrics are taken from a famous essay — written in 1997 by Mary Schmich, a columnist with the Chicago Tribune — which gives some amazing advice for life, highly recommend everyone to watch the video or read this http://tinyurl.com/schmich-sunscreen!

by polyachka in Happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,